I’ve just returned from a friend’s house where a rather heated argument regarding trans* identity broke out. It was I against three people. I didn’t want to argue, but I just couldn’t help myself.
One of my mates turned the channel over to Big Brother. I never wanted them to put it on in the first place, as I knew that there was a transsexual man on the show this year, and that the people I was with would more than likely make some sort of bigoted remark toward him.
My fears were correct, as the three people with me began referring to this guy as a “she”. They also began to refer to him as a weirdo too, which was just too cruel for my ears to take. I couldn’t endure it any longer; I just had to correct them on their pronouns and insults. I told them that he identifies as a man, he lives as a man and therefore he is a man, regardless of his initial birth assigned gender.
Without a moment’s hesitation, they pounced on me like wolves; telling me that I was wrong in my claims. I tried to tell them that someones birth genitals and biology does not necessarily define them as simply a man or a woman.
They retorted by telling me that biology determines everything in regards to their gender, and that is - according to them - a stone cold fact which cannot be changed. I tried with all my might to tell them that gender expression and gender identity is so much more than this. I wanted them to see that humans are more than just their chromosomes and genitals. Sadly, my words fell upon deaf ears.
I couldn’t sway their world view. These three people were convinced that I was deluded. “Everything’s based on science” they said, “and science says that the person on the [television] screen is a woman!”
This is a cruel assumption. This traditional idea of the male and female binary is not simply what makes a person a boy or a girl. People must move away from this habitual beleif that sex and gender are the exact same thing. Yes, a majority of us are assigned a specific gender by our doctors at birth, but that doesn’t make it official or final.
It really does saden me. All this talk of “people with penises are men, people with vaginas are women” is merely oppressing the freedom of gender expression and gender identity. Let people live in the gender that they want to live in, despite the goddamn organ that happens to exist between their legs. What’s downstairs is no one elses bleeding business anyway!
I’d truely love for my friends to be able to understand gender diversity in the way that I do. But every time this goddamn subject pops up, I get offended and we end up arguing about it.
It’s a shame, because it means that if I do decided to start living as a woman, they’ll probably never accept me as one. They know that I was born a “guy”, therefore they’ll forever ignore my desired identity based on my DNA.
As my friend drove me home, I just wanted to burst into tears. I was seconds away from just admitting “I’m transgender. That’s why I was distressed by what you were saying.”
I was so close to blurting it out, but I backed out at the last second. I decided that coming out to my friend whilst upset and mad was not the right way to go about this situation.
So now I’m back at home and I feel like dirt. Whenever I have these arguments with people I feel so hopelessly alone in the world. I bet they’re all bitching about me now: saying how daft my claims were.
I just wish that they could understand that peoples identity should not be solely defined by their genitals. Surely in the 21st century, people can be more open minded about such subjects. I just hope, that one day, societies perceptions toward gender will evolve and reshape themselves for the better.